Shadows that Remain
by halfmyheart
Summary: There was nothing left...nothing but goodbye. Oneshot.


Discalimer: I'll own them just as soon as my army of lazy ninja rabbits take over the world... 

**Warning:** Darkfic! Major character death! Turn back now if that's not your thing!

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There was nothing left…nothing left but goodbye….

Kira reached up and wiped at her misty eyes with the sleeve of her black turtle neck as she watched Ethan's back disappearing into the darkness. His shoulders were slumped somewhat as his body visible showed the sadness that he felt and kept bottle up tightly within. She smiled sadly as the clouds opened up and the first few rain drops began to fall to the ground, the fitting end to a horrible day. She bent her head and turned in the opposite direction as she headed for her car. The keys shook horribly in her hand as she tried to unlock the door, but as the realization of what she had just been told finally sank in completely, she sank to the ground and pulled her knees up to her chest. The tears spilled freely over her cheeks as the rain started to fall in earnest, but she never noticed.

She finally managed to drag herself up from the pavement and get into her car, but as she wandered like a ghost through the front door of her darkened house she couldn't recall the drive home, at all. Everything was hazy, even the objects in her room as she threw her soaking wet jacket over the back of her desk chair. She fell across the bed, not caring if it got wet, or what her parents might think if they found her in her current state. It wasn't like they would understand anyway. How could they? Her pain went far deeper than anyone could possibly understand. It stabbed painfully at her heart, like a thousand tiny knives that slowly bled her life away as she sobbed uncontrollably into her pillow, his smiling face looming mockingly in front of her eyes each time she closed them. She tried to shake the image away but only succeeded in giving herself a headache, as if she wasn't dealing with enough at the moment. Instead of getting up and finding something to ease her pain or at the very least help her sleep, she pulled the pillow tight across her face so that her voice wouldn't carry and wake her parents, and she screamed. Long and loud, visualizing the pain leaving her body, but as she stopped and everything was quite once more, the pain was still there, stronger than before. She curled up into a tiny ball and rocked back and forth as she cried.

Memories of their time together flooded her memory. It was funny how their relationship had evolved. She had despised him at first. He was an arrogant, girl chasing jock with only half a brain who was always rubbing her the wrong way. Over time, and after too many arguments and close calls together, she had begun to see that she was mistaken about him. He was much deeper than she had ever imagined, and much smarter too. She found herself getting attached, but tried to tell herself that he was only like a big brother, that she was attracted to Trent, but as time moved on she found herself falling hard for Conner McKnight. Luckily, he had felt to the same way, and everything had been perfect, until that moment outside of the Cybercafé where her friend had dealt her heart a devastating blow…Conner was gone…

Her tear filled eyes finally fell onto a picture of him that sat on her dresser, it was a group picture but she could only see his face. It had been taken by Cassidy at the picnic after graduation. He sat beside her on the red and black checkered blanket; his arm was draped casually around her shoulders in a friendly gesture as he smiled brightly for the camera. She leaned into his side, obviously savoring the warmth and feel of his body next to hers. Her smile was the only thing brighter than his, and he had sworn later that it had outshone the sun that day.

"Whatever", she had said as she gave him a playful shove.

He had smiled, somewhat shyly as he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I mean it. You were dazzling."

A blush had crept across her face at his words. "You're just saying that."

"No," he had replied, his eyes sparkling mischievously. "You've always been the brightest star in my life."

And then there had been silence as his lips had found hers.

Kira forced the memories of that day away and clutched the picture tightly to her chest as a thousand other memories assaulted her overtaxed mind and finally, her dreams.

Her last thoughts as she drifted off into a fitful sleep were not pleasant. _How could it end like this? It wasn't supposed to end like this! He had always been there for her, but now…now what? He was gone, just like that. How dare he leave her alone! Didn't he know she needed him? How had it come to this?_

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There was no rain as the small crowd gathered together underneath the blazing sun.

Kira stood in the crowd, trying to appear calm and collected in front of her friends. She felt Ethan shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other. He watched the people in front of them with rapt attention, his eyes completely dry but a little sad. She tried to ignore him as he sighed, impatience and ready to get the ceremony over with so that he could get out of the hot California heat. She looked around at the small pack of people and scoffed silently to herself. Most of those gathered had never_ really_ liked Conner; most of them had thought he was a hotshot, skirt chasing jock. They only liked him because he was a remarkable soccer player. But after graduation everything had changed, everyone had forgotten about brazen young athlete that had always worn red.

Her eyes surveyed the group that surrounded her and her disdain for them grew with each new face that she found staring dry-eyed upon his grave. She felt her stomach tighten in disgust and loathing. She_ hated_ them, all of them, even Ethan, but most of all she hated the damn sun. It blazed down in merciless waves, cheerful and unaware to the pain beneath it.

She sniffed quietly and pushed her sunglasses back up the bridge of her nose, more to keep the tears from being seen than to protect her eyes. Taking a deep breath she stepped forward as the crowd dispersed. She felt her knees get weak as she approached the granite marker that was the last reminder of a young life lost forever because someone choose to cross a double yellow line.

_Of all the way he could have died…after nearly a year of being a ranger and risking his life nearly every day against impossible odds, it ends in a head on collision with some drunk that was too stupid to stay home when he had no business getting into a car. _

Kira sighed deeply as she felt a hot tear slip out from underneath her dark shades. She breathed in the scent of fresh turned dirt, trying to keep her composure, but she knew that she was losing that battle.

"Everything will be alright," said a soft voice from behind her.

Without turning Kira shook her head. "No, Dr. O, it won't."

She was shocked when he gently placed his hand on her shoulder, but even more shocked when she looked up to meet his gaze. She expected to find sympathy there, maybe even understanding, but she wasn't expecting to see the fleeting flash of pain.

"It hurts to loose someone you love. The pain will never go away, but it will become bearable over time. Eventually, you'll be able to move on with you life…" He shook his head, "Conner would _want_ you to live your life, not mourn him forever. So cry now and let all the pain out, don't try to bottle it all up inside because in the end it will destroy you."

He stopped speaking and Kira saw him offer her a sad smile before he added softly, "Life doesn't end here."

His hand dropped from her shoulder and he walked away, his own shoulders hunched over and his head bent down, but Kira didn't see him go. She was staring at the headstone again and the worlds carved onto its shining surface.

**Conner McKnight**

**1986 – 2005**

**Son, Brother, and Friend**

**Gone But Never Forgotten**

She traced the words with a trembling finger as more tears fell behind her sun shades.

_Goodbye Conner. I'll never forget you my love._

Her mouth moved as she silently sang the words to the song she had last heard on the radio. It seemed so wrong but yet so fitting at the same time.

_Say goodnight, not goodbye  
You will never leave my heart behind  
Like the path, of a star  
I'll be anywhere you are_

Climbing to her feet she walked quickly away without trying to hide the tears anymore. He had been a good man and he deserved her tears, but more than anything he deserved her love, and that was something that nothing could take away from him, not even death.

END

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